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Cinnamon Rolls from heaven.

She took a deep breath in, threw her arms up on the table and with the most weepy cry she could manage she burred her face in her arms, and sobbed. Her princess wedding veil covered half of her brown twisted hair, and her voice bounced off the the aluminum table to echo through out the entire restaurant.

My face, if you could only have seen my face.

MORTIFIED.

My daughter was crying because she wanted food, but we were NOT eating the RIGHT kind of food. AND because we weren’t going “somewhere fun”, RIGHT NOW, and because she was wearing  HUGE Belle ball gown and people were looking at her.

and.. and.. and…

AND…. in that moment, all I could see was…. me. He was showing me a cute… (ok.. not so cute..) picture of myself from the last few months.

Me, throwing a mini fit even though there are incredible blessings right in front of me. I try so hard to lead the kids in thankfulness, and at one point during this day, I even told them that the next ten things they each were allowed to say HAD to be ten things they were thankful for.

Kai listed 12. Leiliah pouted more… x 12.

I feel like Leiliah in this moment a lot. Big huge dishes of blessings heaped in front of me. HUGE ones. Ones I never thought I would have, and God keeps giving more.

A few months ago I asked God for a new place to live. I waited for 7 months. 7 long, hard, pout filled months. Months that I cried a lot wondering what in the world He was waiting for. I wrote in my journal times when He was saying it was coming soon. That I needed to just to rest in Him and trust Him. After one super frustrating week, He asked me to take a week off from house hunting and just come and be with Him. To worship Him

I did. I praised Him as if all of my dreams had already come true. This is called Towdah.**

**Towdah should be the name of my next child.

The next day, after that week, I found THE house. Like, “THE DRESS.” The feeling of awe and bliss I assume is just the same as I felt in this moment. It was less than ten days after the journal entry when I felt like He was telling me it was coming soon.

My house, it has rainbow tiles in the bathroom shower. If you’ve known me for 20 seconds you would know, I like happy things… like rainbows and glitter. There are glitter speckles in my bathroom vanity counter top. I’m telling you, God designed this place for  me, I am sure of it. (it’s now called #thelovehouse. YUP it has it’s own hash tag. 😉

I have made it a point that every shower, for every rainbow tile, I will thank God for something, because I want to never get use to the incredible blessings He continues to love me with.  But, the truth is lately I feel more like Leilie here, than a grateful rainbow-tile lover. The rush of the days pass by and I forget where I have come from, and how far God has brought me. I feel like the Israelites  more than I want to admit. God has lead me into a beautiful place, and sometimes I, in my pretend wedding veil and ball gown, huff about.

“MANNA? YEAH but I want Cinnamon rolls from heaven. AND I wants them slightly warmed. OH and I am going to pout…x 12 until I get them.”

EW.

Singleness has been my biggest HUFF. (Oh and I cringe as I write that, because it is gut level honest.)

CRINGE.

I know all of the right things to say, and I know what the truth is, but my goodness sometimes waiting its just hard. It is a constant battle of repentance, turning my mind BACK to Jesus and saying… YES to His timing. The answer to this is not a guy. The answer is falling more in love with Jesus. That dance, is so easy, and yet, every time I get frustrated at His super long timeline, I build an offense with Him in my own heart. There is nothing that is more frustrating than hiding in the garden from the one who already knows why I am there… AGAIN.

One thing that gave me so much freedom can from a quote I read last week from my incredible Pastor, John Garcia.

“Some dreams should be buried. Not because they are dead, but because they are seeds.”
(He tagged me in this note, and there you will find more incredible words of wisdom. Maybe more that are meant for you:))

I had been carrying around this big huge avocado seed for a long time. Looking at it, holding it, and never actually placing it in the soil and allowing God to do great things because I was so busy carrying it around.  I am proud of it. The promise He gave me. But so proud, I never just let it go to became fully mature under His guidance AND His TIMING.

Leiliah means highest point of heaven.
In other words, His perceptive.
His timing, is called Kairos in Greek.
My son’s name.
Coincidence?
NOPE.

When I take His perspective, I am free to trust His timing.  I have constant reminders of His perspective and His timing in my life, daily.

The more I take it in my hands and manipulate it with my own agenda, ideas, or idolotry the less of His power and anointing it has on it because I shifted the perspective to being about me instead of to glorify Him.
Maybe your promise if different than mine. Maybe the ache in your heart for a dream of yours is bigger. Know that He placed that there for a reason. Honor that, and turn your affection back to Him. Honor His timing. He wants to give you a harvest. A BIG ONE. But one you know how to trust Him with. This time of learning to depend on Him and not earthy circumstances will be a sweet refreshing mists over you for the rest of your life. Turn your mind back to Jesus, and rest in His arms. Our promises can become idols so fast. (TRUST ME. I KNOW. We’ve had lots of idol smashing gone on up in here… Many many times. And by we I mean Jesus.)

Be thankful for the manna because He knows your body, your spiritual body need nourishment more than a cin-a-bon 😉

LOVE Always,
Julie

 

June 18, 2013 - 6:38 pm

Donna Oates - I, if no one else, needed to hear those words. You my friend have just spoken to the depths of my soul…. Thank you for being brave enough to tell your own story….. you have inspired me to try to tell my own…. Thank you!

June 18, 2013 - 7:01 pm

Kristin Ungerecht - Oh, you hit the nail on the head, Julie. Sometimes it’s so hard to wait. To rest with Him. To wait, knowing He is moving and will move you in His way, in His time… the BEST way and the BEST time. I’ve wrestled with some of this recently, too. I was reading in Numbers and one of the questions God asked Moses about the Israelites sped through my heart… like He was asking ME personally. Whew. It’s easy to look down on the Israelites when reading the Bible… to shake our heads and say ‘how could they, when…?’ But the truth is, it’s even easier to BE Israel, sometimes without even realizing. It’s a nice slice of humble pie for me to read through their story, that’s for sure.

Thank you for these words! I’ll be reaching for the manna and passing on the cinnabon today. :)

June 18, 2013 - 7:16 pm

Katie Ballue-Dommel - Wow. All of a sudden your words hit me hard…I was reading along, kind of nodding, and then BAM. Bury that dream like a seed! Yes! And less of me on it. I am always thinking I need to be doing something. Waiting is action! Waiting and planting is obedience. Thank you so much for pouring this out on your blog. I needed it, and God wanted me to read this.

June 29, 2013 - 3:01 am

Julie Story - WOW Donna thank you so so sooo much!!! <3

June 29, 2013 - 3:01 am

Julie Story - Katie! My goodness… Thank you so much !! So glad He used it to bless you!!! <3

March 21, 2014 - 4:32 pm

rebecca - Wonderful post. Love the ““MANNA? YEAH but I want Cinnamon rolls from heaven. AND I wants them slightly warmed. OH and I am going to pout…x 12 until I get them.” ”

and then

“Be thankful for the manna because He knows your body, your spiritual body need nourishment more than a cin-a-bon;)”

Love your stuff.
-from a gal in Canada

Dad.

He stood looking out into the ocean, his hat slightly tilted forward. Straight ahead, the waves rushes in and out.  The giggles from my kids in the distance matched the rhythm of each wave.

“I want thinking about what I wanted to post about you online today, dad.”  I looked towards him to see his reaction.

“Oh yeah?” he said as he took a sip from his drink.

“I was thinking about all you do for us, Lecia and I. How much you stand in the gap for us. How much you serve us as single moms. I look forward to the day when you can retire form the role of doing so much for us. When we have men in our lives to serve us.”

He laughed. That belly laugh he always does when I say something that takes him by surprise. I wonder if he was thinking about my tire that had just gone flat on the way there, and how on a day of celebration for him, he would be called to another moment of servant love to me.

“How will it feel when you give us away to good men that will promise to take care of us?”

“That is incomprehensible. I can’t even begin to fathom what will be like.”

It’s hard to imagine… but it’s coming:)(By God’s grace, it’s coming VERY VERY soon 😀 )

June 17, 2013 - 7:44 pm

Julie Story - <3

Freedom.

I shifted my weight back and forth from one foot to the other. He had seen it. The place in my heart and in my life that I had been hiding.

“But I don’t want to give the devil a platform in my life,” was my excuse. ” I don’t want to elevate the sin. I wan to elevate the restoration.”

He stared at me with his piercing blue eyes, like a loving father. Like someone who I had known for years and yet this was 15 minutes into our first real conversation…ever.

“You are already giving the devil a platform by not sharing. All you need to do is bump him off the platform” he said as he gesture with his elbow. It was as if he himself just knocked the enemy off the platform in which he stood.

He was right.

I stood there in that moment, in a house lovingly named the Freedom house, and my entire being shifted realizing how much fear had scared me from sharing my story. Tears filled my soul and escaped at my eye. I stood there in a room filled with 75 other people, talking, laughing, sipping wine and enjoy the company of community, there in that place, it felt like the entire room stood still.

I didn’t want to say it. I still don’t. This word that has taken me captive so much I dare not share it in public, and up until this point, I haven’t. I have kept it a secret. One that I have worked so hard to protect out of fear. A word that feels like it has sucked life out of me for the weight that it keeps…

Abused.

This word means so many different things to so many different people, but for me, this is the word that shot my wing. That took the wind from my soul, that robbed me of many things.

This is the one that has so many twist and turns in it, like a labyrinth I have desperately tried to navigate. So many lies have clung to it fueling it. This is the scary word that has caged me from freedom. From the freedom of my story. From the freedom that give me breath and life to say…

I was abused…

…..but God. (Thats a BIG but… For realz.)

There are so many layer of my story, but with every layer of hurt there are 10,000 of grace. With every storm that I have walked through there were 100 rainbows. With every step I took, through the mud, I had Jesus’ hand to graciously lead me. He walked through the mud with me, and without Him, I would not be here.

Before this experiencing the pain of this word, I didn’t understand intimacy with the Father. God used why was meant for evil in my life to launch me into intimacy with Him. He didn’t need it for the intimacy, He just used it…. THANK you Lord for using it!

Bill Johnson said “The enemy always over plays his hand…” The enemy always takes it a step to far, and what was meant for evil in my life has launched me into a relationship with the Father I have never ever known. That is redemption. And for that… I am so humbled. That He in His mercy, would reach down and pull me out of a pit, a literal one that will filled with buckets of tears and brokenness… that He would set me apart. That He would drawn me into Himself over and over again.

I use to say that if I had to go through it all again to help, to encourage, to bless, to love on, one other woman, I would. In a heart beat. And that is the truth that is etched in my soul.

This is my story. One of redemption. One of grace and love. One of a lover who has ravished my heart by healing mine. One of a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I know Him.

Religion, could not have healed my heart from the despair I had to face. It could not have taken me from a broken mess, a crying mess on the floor and set me apart with favor and blessings. Only a relationship with King could do that.

I have heard my entire life that being a believer, loving Jesus, is a about a relationship… But I had never experience what it was like to need Jesus to get through some of the darkest, most painful moments of my life. I needed Him, and I still do. There are still places in my heart that are tender, that are swollen, that will need His love to cover until every spot is healed. There are consequences of this word that I have to deal with everyday.

I have learned through my pain, through my hurt, the questions can’t be “Why me? Why God?” I have asked this so many times and it leads my heart to being offended at Him. I want to live form a place of no offense towards Him and run into a place of YES GOD. He didn’t cause the hurt, the pain, the situations. It wasn’t His plan for me, and He didn’t want me to hurt, but He allowed it. Even though I don’t understand the whole story, or why He allowed it, I know He will use what the enemy meant for evil for good, over and over and over again. He already has. Even though I don’t know the next chapter of my life will hold, I know the Author of my story, and I know His character. Restoration.

My life is not a white picket fence one. What has happened to me is not a pretty package of glitter and rainbows… but He has provided a rainbow after every storm.. and the beauty is.. He will keep on doing it.. over and over and over again. He is actively restoring the years the locus have eaten. RIGHT NOW. But I will tell you the honest truth, restoration did not come by pursuing man, it came from pursing Him, by being gut level honest, by telling Him the things I needed to tell Him. By grace He will not show those movie clips to you because.. my goodness they are SO NOT CUTE 😉

Through this, I have learned, my story does not define me. I am not an abused woman, I am not a single mom, I am not an ex wife, I am God’s princess. I am His daughter. I am His little one. I am safe under Daddy God’s wings. What I am is not what I have experienced. It’s to the pain, or the struggles. Its not define by what a man has said of me or how I was treated. Who I am is never defined by that. It’s define by Him. And He says I am incredible. I am an heir. I am adopted, set apart, a dancing little skippity little princess who runs in to Daddy God’s arms unashamed, because of Jesus He took the abuse for me. He knows what it is like to be abused. And its for that…. that kind of Love, I chose to be a lay down lover of obedience.

I chose to share, when He says, and how He says the words He has place on my heart. This blog is a space for that. I don’t know what the stories will be filled with. I don’t know what He will call me to share, but I know I am willing to go to the deep places and share with you how He has changed me completely.

I know what is it like to walk through pain. I know what hurt feels like, the kind that brings on the ugly cry, but I know that I know that I know, I am loved by God. I was set apart before the beginning of this world to do good.  And it is through His grace, I am here… <3

Love Always,
Julie

If you or someone you has experienced abuse of this kind…you are not alone. Please connect with me. I would love to be an extension of God’s heart to you <3  <3

June 14, 2013 - 10:31 pm

Julie Story - This. This is the beginning.. of a Journey God has been leading me on…. To write. To share my Story. To share the words He has place on my heart. <3 It begins, today. <3

June 14, 2013 - 10:41 pm

Hailey Whittington - You are very brave. Thank you for sharing.

June 14, 2013 - 10:47 pm

Stephanie Grooms - Cant see from my cell well but I am excited to check it out asap. <3

June 14, 2013 - 10:59 pm

Amanda Emslie - Beautiful Jules <3

June 15, 2013 - 12:00 am

Jana Long - Excited about this Julie! <3

June 15, 2013 - 1:28 am

Amanda Mae Lauchu - So thankful to know you! You are amazing and very loved!

June 15, 2013 - 1:34 am

Dianne Godwin - I have no doubt that God will use this to minister to and bless many. Including you. :-)

June 15, 2013 - 2:15 am

Karen Stott - Love this SO SO much! And you my dear… more than you know.

June 15, 2013 - 3:07 am

Angelsea Urban - Yes. Yes and YES! I have been praying for you and watching God cultivate this gift in you from afar. It has been such a blessing to watch each petal falling open, in its own time. So blessed to see you sharing your amazing gift of writing on this platform and SO excited to see what God has in store for you next. <3

June 15, 2013 - 5:06 am

Candice Hildebrandr - Julie, it never ceases to amaze me how wonderfully God’s ways are worked. I am at the right place at the right time, to read words I have needed to. Thank you so much for choosing to share your journey. So much love for you.

June 15, 2013 - 5:08 am

Candice Roos Hildebrandt - <3

June 17, 2013 - 2:00 am

Julie Story - @[1064119603:2048:Angelsea Urban]!!! WOW… just wow. Thank you so much for your incredible encouraging words of wisdom…THANK you for believing in me and for sharing your love for me … <3

June 17, 2013 - 2:01 am

Julie Story - I LOVE YOU. SO MUCH. God knew.. He just knew… You would be such an incredible gift to me.. how precious you are Karen!!!

June 17, 2013 - 2:05 am

Julie Story - Amanda! Thank you so much! your support means so so so much to me!

June 17, 2013 - 2:06 am

Julie Story - Dianne! THank you so much! God is using writing in my life as such a part of my soul.. it is so much fun for me!