I watched her.
As a single mother she was vulnerable.
She dated a still married man and got more than just her heart involved before the proper time.
As they got more connected I watched and realized… I AM vulnerable.
As a single mother, I am more vulnerable than most women. I have more hearts involved than just mine. I have to guard mine and theirs. I realized as I watched her and gleaned from her experiences, that her hopes and dreams were probably just as woven in the hope of being married as mine are. I am convinced no little princess grows up dreaming of loving her children alone. Alone feels like a demon to conquer. When left untamed the lies of being “alone” are a constant distraction from the invitation for a closer intimacy with God.
Alone has a voice. It’s loud and profound. It stands on the head board and screams. It walks in the kitchen and boasts loudly. The quiet moment become a quarrel in the heart. The Alone Lie tries to convince us that “Our value comes from being with someone” and until that is fulfilled, it will sing and beckon more ugly sneers and vicious head games.
Alone; like popular girl in school who never wants you to be dating someone because…. she is not.
I remember the moments when someone would tell me, “Someday you will find someone amazing,” and as they pranced away with an incredible guy on their arm, I would realize I never want to hear that statement again… …and still don’t. They might as well say, “One day you will be awesome because you have someone awesome.”
I AM awesome, because I AM made me awesome.
The mission of life is not our relationship status. Our status is to aid us in the Kingdom work in either case. When our value is defined by a desire in our heart, we devalue the desire. We loose the standard of love He placed in us. We become defined by what we have instead of Who are are in covenant with. These truths are to become more than statements that rest on the still waters of our minds. They are to become and anchor of our soul.
I stood aboard a boat last year, completely smitten with a couple who revealed God’s nature in their courtship. I saw them few weeks ago and reminded the groom-to-be that the way he walked towards his lovely future bride leads people to the heart of the Father. His love for her lead me to the heart of the Father. I am still struck by the profoundness and the details of the way he loves her. His love for her is leading people to the gospel. How incredible.
Ladies, if the way The Mr. pursues you doesn’t look like the way Jesus pursues, it’s time to jump ship. The way he treats you now can be a clear indication of the way he will treat you when you are old and crinkled, when make-up doesn’t hide the wisdom of the face, and when years have added more to you than you realize. His nature now can be an indication of his nature then…
After walking through the storm of divorce I’ve learned the value of understanding the expectation of the roles in a marriage. The relationship should always be leading people to Jesus naturally. When we are in alignment with His nature, the over flow is the intent of the covenant: to reveal Jesus and His nature towards the Church. The vows? The ones you are dreaming of, the ones that make your heart sing and soar, the ones that profess selfless amazing epic love…. what The Mr. is really promising to God, is that he is going to die to himself everyday FOR YOU. Just like Jesus died.
If he is not dying now, you can’t nag him to death in the marriage. It a choice he has to make from the intimacy of his heart, yielded to the Father. God’s nature is the only one who can reveal to the man the relevance of his own nature. It should reflect God’s. Ladies, insecurity will make excuses for poor man-frog-character. We justify a whole lot of men’s selfish living because we are starving for affection. Alone has kept our minds and hearts in a perpetual state of neediness. Thus when a frog comes alone, we’ll take it. His charm, his good looks, his pride, his lack of integrity and honor, we chose to take it all on. We wear his junk like a robe of honor because AT LEAST Alone can’t kick us in the face any more.
I promise, it’s better to be single than wish you were.
The Alone Lie has an open invitation to every marriage that is not under God’s authority. The marriage bed can feel warm and cold all at once. Alone in a marriage creates a desperation unlike any other. It screams louder, hits harder, and creates a completely chaotic platform that beckons emotional cliff jumping.
There are places of your heart that were create for God and God alone. When the idea of a man or a man himself gets stuffed into a God shaped environment, the man suffers, you suffer, and connectivity with God suffers. You are damaging the intent of the role of a husband by forcing the controlled expectations of emotional needs onto a person. The Lies of Alone should be a gigantic indication there is a heart agreement with the enemy. Those lies can’t live in your house unless you allow it. Write up the eviction notice… TODAY.
You were made for more than the dream of being with an incredible man. Chances are, God placed that seed in your heart because He wants that for you….. But beyond the head knowledge of being an “active soul mate waiter” ask God what you were made for… run towards that. Run towards the passions you have living inside of you that and longing to escape and fulfill God’s dreams for you. Waiting around for a husband before stepping into who you were made to be is like sitting in a brand new convertible form Daddy God and leaving it in park. Steward the gift from Papa, steward the time. Honor Him by honoring what He made you for. Turn on the car. The tank is full. Go.
Ruth was serving when Boaz noticed her.
Its time to move beyond the dormant life of waiting around and run after God’s heart…. The enemy wants you to be debilitated by the lie. He wants you to sit in the parked car waiting around. It’s time to kick the Alone mindset to the curb and reconnect to the One who never leaves you alone….