There were a million things rushing through my head. Most of them had to do with me, not being enough, me fighting off lies.. me.. me…me.
I really could have written a chorus of melody from the enchanting symbols of junk I was working through in my mind. During the busy of life, I fought to re-center. I was fighting for perspective. I was doing everything I knew to do, but last night it finally broke off.
I walked to the end of the hallway to peek into the kid’s room. Leilie’s big Disney princess eyes fluttered at me and I walked over to her bed and snuggled in. We talked for a bit about nothing and everything. We talked about her gunnie pig who was visiting our house from her dad’s house.
We whispered to each other. We giggled with each other. As I got up and walked away from her, I turned back and smiled.
“Good night, Moma” she said as I turned to walk away…
…..and that did it.
Those 3 sweet words totally and completely broke me. By break, I mean I felt them in my soul and in one quick motion I instantly knew what had been attacking me that week and those words broke it off. Before I had walked down stairs I was already crying…..
Sometimes I wish there were a formula to these things. One I could repeat and create a system that makes sense and could be repeated. This made no sense to me why those words lifted the veil for me so I could see Him clearly again, but my goodness I am so thankful…
3 mins later I was laying on the floor in my kitchen, a place that is super comfortable to me, a place my kids have gotten use to seeing me. I had put one music and just lay there with Him, noticing that pride has swept me away this week. It had entered some where along the way and it took one little girl with great love, without striving, to break it off.
This reminds me how powerful we all are. How in one moment of great love we have the most impact. When we strive to be something or somebody we miss something greater: who we are called to be.
As I laid there on the cold wood floor, arms and hear open and surrendered, Jesus met me there. In the stillness of my soul, in the turning of my heart back to Him, He came and showed me some incredible perspectives and all I could think to do was ask if there was anything else He wanted to show me… The answer was a constant yes.
He told me a lot about destiny last night. How I have made it be something it was never meant to be. How I have made it into a place instead of a journey with Him leading every step of the way. Some how in the coolness of the floor and the warmness of the moment His love over took me and redesigned apart of my heart and I am changed.
I hope I remember that I too can be that little girl. The one who speaks three words with great love and it breaks off bondage from an entire week. I have that power… and she does too… and she doesn’t even know it.
Being profound begins with learning to Love with His Love deeply, without agenda. It’s learning that in the vulnerability of love we have the greatest power. It’s learning there is more Love in the not trying moments then the ones where we force ourselves to be something this world tells us to be. We have the power to change this entire world when we become and empty vessel for Him to fill. A vessel doesn’t have to try to be what it was made to be. In it’s entirety, it’s just is meant to be filled.
This morning she woke up extra early and crawled into bed with me. She told me about grace. She told me that she loves my smile. She told me that there is nothing I could do to separate me from her love. She told me she was a gift to me… and that I needed someone to love.
Yes, to all of those things. Yes, because I know that voice. I know the smell of those words. They are from the Heart of the King and sometimes His still small voice sounds like a 6-year-old little girl with strawberry smelling bed head
May love and grace flood your heart today. May you meet Him in the secret place and encounter Him like never before.