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Road Signs & Abstract Suns

I was driving down the road last year and stopped at a familiar light close to my parents home. I looked lazily around until my eyes stopped on a sign, one near a house on a side road. It might have been there for years but I had never noticed  it before. It stopped me, in body and in my heart.

“Deaf and Blind child.”

I drove away, thinking. Thinking about that family and how everyday they drive past that sign. How when they pull onto that street they see it, but really, they don’t need that sign to remind them of everyday reality. I though about what it must feel like to have their biggest struggle be a sign for their neighbors, for strangers, for ones who have never carried their burdens with them to see… This is what they walk through every day…. and everyone knows it.

I wanted to hug them, right then and there.

And all of a sudden, I became very aware of my own signs, the imaginary ones that sit outside my being and point towards me. The ones strangers see. The ones that “define my struggles.”

There are times I feel like there are signs of who I am and who I am not placed at the entrance of my heart’s home. The signs of hurts from the distant past that feel like they will define my future. Somehow, even though all of these “signs” are imaginary, and can not even begin to relate to the journey of that family, I have felt the burden of my own hurts being a public description of my history.

One of my signs has been Divorced. This one is very interesting. Like an ugly jacket you are forced to wear. One that says somewhere along the line, no matter what the situations, I’ve failed. I couldn’t pull it together.  I couldn’t “make it work.” It’s like walking into a room with a big D on my forehead. A D that says I’m defective in someway… or at least that is the lie that had me bound for quite some time. This lie that says I am used. That I am not good any more because I had a lot of life I walked through.

It’s interesting how, when walking through life, we are handed one of two things: a lie and a Truth. The one we come into agreement with is the one that stands victorious.

The Truth will set you free.

I put my kids to bed last night and told them they were made for greatness, made uniquely each for a purpose. I held their sweet soft faces in my hands and kissed their cheeks like I always do. This morning I remembered I forgot to tell them something, something I wished someone would have told me everyday. You will hear two things in life: the Truth and a lie. Its your choice what you grab onto. It’s my job as their mother to lead  those little ones and tell them what is truth so when they hear a lie, they will know it is a lie. I picture them, walking through life, knowing they are sons and daughters of the King and they need to be reminded everyday.

I need to be reminded everyday.

Lies come to us in so many ways, and when we aren’t watchful and prayerful they slip into our hearts so quickly and before long we have built an entire imaginary mind world around them. A world that is destructive and painful. One that is full of who we are not instead of who we are because of Jesus.

I few days ago, I was driving and notice the clouds in the sky where muggy and thick and completely covered the sun so all the could be seen was just the distorted shape of light. I began to realize in that moment that if someone who have never seen the sun saw it that day, they would say “The sun has no shape. It is abstract.”  The clouds made the sun seem different than what is actually was. That person’s perception became truth because they did not know what the sun really looks like.

The Spirit was teaching me something that I haven’t even fully grasped yet…

Our perception of the Son does not change who He is.

We can see Him through a fog, not realize it, and be so certain that we are right about our perception of who He is. Lies can cloud who He is. We can cloud who He is.  And yet He doesn’t change.

We can let the lies of religion or the hurts of our life turn into clouds that distort who He really is. He is a lover, one that wants to define you by His love for you. He is the one that wants your identity to be more than the hurt you’ve walked through or the pain you’ve survived. Like a doctor who has seen the surgery of your heart but longs to tell the world, “She’s amazing… wait until you see the way I’ve created her to shine.”

Its so amazing to me that He wants to gift me His goodness. He wants to take who He is, and place it on me.. and then stand next to me like a proud Papa that says… “Look, no really look. Look at the way she laughs. Isn’t she great?”

He does that. A lot. Stands next to me proud, even in my immature moments. He know they are coming and He believes in me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  He is for me and that means when junk arises, when the lie is produced, He sits on the edge of His mercy seat excited for when I turn back to Him to find the truth, to find the my identity. He is cheering me on… He is cheering you on.

The truth will set you free. He longs for you to have freedom and to see Him for who He really is. For you to see you for who you really are. Ask Jesus. He will tell you. He is smiling over you excited to meet with you today.. right here and now… He is eager to gift you new perspectives about how incredible you are. He wants to show you how incredible He is…. <3 You are loved.

Love always,
Julie


(TEXT IN IMAGE FROM: DO YOU THINK I AM BEAUTIFUL: BY ANGELA THOMAS)

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